Happy 1st Birthday
Beckham J.
Beckham, as I sit and reflect on the past year, all I can do is shake my head and smile. There have been so many moments that I wish we could re live, and then some of course like any mother: that I wouldn't mind forgetting.
Becoming a mother was one of my biggest fears but something I grew up knowing I wanted to be. Before you arrived many advised me on how "difficult" parenthood really is, so I knew there were going to be hard moments, and times I would just want to throw in the towel. However, what I didn't know or expect was how amazing the experience/journey of parenthood really is.
I had people tell me, "oh you'll never love someone more than your baby" , "There is no greater reward.", Etc. Etc.
but Beckham you've made me realize that its SO much more than that.
You are my best friend, and I know as you get older our bond will only grow that much stronger.
I can honestly say as a mother, that this year has been the best year of my life.
To think that this is only the beginning, makes it all that much better.
Beckham J. I don't know if you'll actually ever read this post, or anything in this blog for that matter. However, my wish for you this 1st birthday is that you will always feel loved, weither it be from me and dad, or other friends and family. Always know that we love you more than words can even begin to describe.
You are my best friend, and I know as you get older our bond will only grow that much stronger.
I can honestly say as a mother, that this year has been the best year of my life.
My Fears, My happiness and everything in between:
The morning of November 4th I was scheduled to have an induced labor at 7 am, you were fully developed and ready to go. Little did I know you weren't as patient as I had expected you to be.
It took me several hours to fall asleep that night, I couldn't wait to see what you looked like and to actually hold you in my arms. After tossing and turning for what felt like the entire night, I finally fell asleep.
Up until the morning of November 4th I had a regular night time routine: you would always wake me up at 3 am sharp, to use the restroom, it was that way for the last 3 months you were in my belly, So when I woke up at 12:34 that morning I knew something was happening, not only because you had woken me up 2 hours early, but because the pain of contractions was unlike anything I could have imagined or prepared myself for.
Up until the morning of November 4th I had a regular night time routine: you would always wake me up at 3 am sharp, to use the restroom, it was that way for the last 3 months you were in my belly, So when I woke up at 12:34 that morning I knew something was happening, not only because you had woken me up 2 hours early, but because the pain of contractions was unlike anything I could have imagined or prepared myself for.
I told myself "It was just a bad braxton hicks" and tried to fall back asleep, no more than 3 minuets later the pain returned, after a minute or so the pain went away. Thats when I started thinking, "this could be it!"
I reached over,grabbed my cell phone and opened the timer.
3 minuets : Contraction 3 Minutes: Contraction 5 Minutes: Contraction 3 Minutes: Contraction 5 Minutes: Contraction.
The time in between each contraction, I literally could have fallen asleep. I was exhausted.
after 20 minuets of contractions on and off I woke dad, and told him what was going on and to call the hospital.
He called and the woman on the other line said: "oh, she has a scheduled induction for 7 am just tell her to take a hot bath."
By this time it was 2 am and I had been contracting every 3 to 5 minuets for 3 hours.
The hot bath didn't slow you down one bit.
During each contraction all I could say was "ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow"
When dad realized I couldn't handle it much longer he called the hospital again and informed them that my contractions weren't slowing down and the hot bath clearly didnt help.
They advised us to pack up and head out. Thank goodness!
Dad grabbed the hospital bag and necessities, meanwhile all I could mumble was
"ow ow" and "please HURRY!"
the 20 Minuet drive to the hospital felt like 45 hours!
after the "ow ow's" , the "oh my hecks" , and the one traffic violation of running a red light. We pulled into the hospital at 3 am.
Dad signed us in through the emergency room, while I threw up in the nearest garbage can.
Not long after, I received my heaven sent epidural. By the time things started to slow down it was 5 am, and much sleep was needed. Despite my excitement, the exhaustion of contractions allowed me to catch up on the sleep you stole from me just 5 hours earlier.
I remember, the doctor coming in and checking your position, he looked up at me and said."well we will have your baby here within the hour, get ready to push!"
I felt the blood drain from my face, I was overcome with so much emotion, I just cried.
"am I ready for this? my life is about to change forever! How do I be a "mom"?!
So many thoughts ran through my head, it wasnt long before they were interupted by the nurse saying:" okay sweetheart lets start doing some practice pushes!?"
I did 2 "practice pushes" before the nurse told me to stop immediatly followed by "hes here! get the Doctor!"
5 big pushes later you were here!
They got you measured and cleaned up within minuets, dad brought you over to my bed side and layed you in my arms.
I remember looking down at you for the first time and just crying the happiest tears.
you were, and still are perfect.
one of my biggest fears this past year, was when we found out about your eyesight and the struggles you might have to face in your future. you can read the whole story here . There is no worse feeling as a mother or any parent for that matter, than knowing that you are helpless to your own child.
In that moment there was nothing I could have done but drop to my knees and pray.
I prayed and begged for peace of mind, I prayed and continue to pray for your vision to improve.
I can honestly tell you now, that those prayers were answered!
Your vision has improved above what doctors expected, and you continue to surprise us on a daily basis.
My happiness? My happiness is you! Everything about you is my happiness. Watching you grow and learn has been one of my favorite things about being a mom .
Beckham J. I don't know if you'll actually ever read this post, or anything in this blog for that matter. However, my wish for you this 1st birthday is that you will always feel loved, weither it be from me and dad, or other friends and family. Always know that we love you more than words can even begin to describe.
You're our whole world Beckham Jennings.
We love you, Happy Birthday.
